Random Weiss fics
by Hoshi-sensei
Summary: This are just like the title says. Chapter 1, 'Jobs the WK cast should never do' and 'Things the WK characters will never say' up. Extreme OOC-ness (~duh)


Hoshi: Hey there. These fics posted are random and small, as well as (I hope) funny. Enjoy!  
  
Jobs the Weiss Kreuz characters should NOT take.  
  
Job #1- Foot Massager  
  
Aya - "Your feet stink! SHIN-NE!!!!" *got fired on first day*  
  
Yoji - "I swear, ma'am, that I DID NOT look at your white panties when I lift your foot!"  
  
Ken - *unintentionally forgot to take away his claws* "Uh-oh. That's a pretty deep cut. Sorry?"  
  
Omi - "According to my researches, if I rub this spot for two minutes and twenty-seven seconds at the pressure of 5 Newton and at the pace of 10 centimeters per minute, using the Earths natural gravity pull, with the full rotation of 360 degrees every thirty seconds, I should be able to make your foot feel better without straining myself too much" *customer blinks*  
  
Crawford - "I'm wearing an Armani suit, for goodness sake! You can't expect me to do this!" *customer shrivels in fear*  
  
Schuldig - *rubs* *to customer* "Is that good?" *Costumer: "Uh... Yes, thank you"* "You're lying!" *Wails*  
  
Nagi - *uses his power to work while he relaxes* *Everyone else: "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"*  
  
Farfarello - *for some reason, the customer is the one that's massaging Farfarello* Harder! Harder! I can't feel a thing! *Everyone else: "Poor customer."*  
  
Job #2- Psychologist  
  
Aya- "Yeah, okay, so basically your life sucks. So?"  
  
Yoji- "So you're very sad coz you're overweight, eh lady? Hm. I can really see why..."  
  
Ken- "I recommend sports! *to disabled self-conscious patient in a wheelchair*  
  
Omi- *as preparation for his patient, he checked the database, searching for every single detail about the patient* *patient tired of waiting, goes away*  
  
Crawford- *to others* "It's all about controlling your patients! I got loads of this book, 'How to Not Be Angry While Waiting for an Absurdly Long Time in a Psychologist's Office'"  
  
Schuldig- An instant success. Enough said.  
  
Nagi- *goes on and on about how people can be successful even in a young age to a patient who's upset because he never got promoted* ".and in conclusion, you really suck, man"  
  
Farfarello- *shreds his lab coat with his knife slowly while hearing the patient's sad life story* *glare* "Do you really, really want me to answer that?"  
  
Job #3- Painter  
  
Aya- "I call this painting of Takatori dead in a dump, 'Takatori Dead In A Dump'" *Everyone* "How original..."* "What was that?! SHIN-NE!!!"  
  
Yoji- *smirks* I call this painting of a nude woman, "Being a Hentai" *everyone got nosebleeds*  
  
Ken- "I call this painting of me in a field playing soccer. uh. 'Ken'?" *everyone sweatdropped*  
  
Omi- "I call this picture of. I dunno. I don't really understand an abstract piece. Is it normal for the picture to melt and smoke a blue vapor like that? I used acid as paint." *Everyone: "Run for your lives!!!!"*  
  
Crawford- "I drew this vision I got the other day... but I'm not sure you guys wanna see it. Oh what the heck" *placed the picture on a stand and runs away* *the gang looks* *everyone's face twitched* *everyone chases Crawford* *Everyone: No fair! Why do you will get the extra ice-cream on dinner?!"*  
  
Schuldig- "This painting shows what's it like when I'm looking into your thoughts." *everyone leans to look, interested* *Everyone: "It's blank"* "Yeah, that's pretty much what it's like" *Aya: "SHI-NE!!!!!"*  
  
Nagi- "This painting is to remind me of Toto." *a beautiful picture of an umbrella in the sunlight* *Everyone: "Awww.."*  
  
Farfarello- "This painting's called 'Cut It Out'" *painting of Farfarello 'cutting it out' with an anonymous guy- literally* *Everyone: "Sick. but we have to admit the name is very catchy."*  
  
Job #4- Computer Hacker  
  
Aya- "Useless information. Useless information. Useless information." *through the America's top-secret F.B.I. database* "Still no information about Aya-chan.. Useless information..."  
  
Yohji- "Don't look at me like that! Have you ever heard of intuition? Who knows these naked girls are assassins-in-undercover? We need all the information we can get!"  
  
Ken- *same as Yohji, except it's on soccer players* *Anonymous boss- "Why do I get a chinch that my employees are not doing their jobs?"  
  
Omi- *finish hacking the world's security system in 5 minutes flat*  
  
Crawford- *complete klutz when it comes to computers and hacking* "Damn computer!" *thrashes computer*  
  
Schuldig- "Who needs computers when I'm here?" *laughs insanely*  
  
Nagi- *same as Omi, except in only 3 minutes*  
  
Farfarello- "Eh? You mean I don't have to 'open up' the computer to search the 'files'?" *in a mess of wires, bolts, what's left of a computer, and knives*  
  
Things you'll NEVER hear the WK cast say  
  
Aya: Group huggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yohji: Hentais are bad... let's take up flower arranging instead.  
  
Ken: I prefer styling my hair than playing soccer, thank you very much.  
  
Omi: What's a kilobyte?  
  
Crawford: I'll be wearing my silver earring and leather pants tomorrow.  
  
Schuldig: What are you thinking?!!!  
  
Nagi: *cackles insanely* Bwahuahahahaha!!!  
  
Farfarello: Let's go to the church!  
  
Aya: Guys? Does black make me look fat?  
  
Yohji: I'm saving myself for marriage.  
  
Ken: *seductive tone* Let me f**k you right here, right now...  
  
Omi: Screw my homework, I'm going to the arcade!  
  
Crawford: I undergo a sex-change operation today...  
  
Schuldig: I cut all of my hair!!!!!!!  
  
Nagi: Where's my cookbook? I'm making cookies!  
  
Farfarello: Ouch! I cut myself!  
  
Aya: I'm joining the circus!  
  
Yohji: Oh, my virgin eyes!!!!  
  
Ken: *looks at motorcycle* where's the gas pedal?  
  
Omi: Daddy! Daddy! I want that toy!  
  
Crawford: Hahahaha! Look at those kids playing in the park...  
  
Schuldig: Hey, Farf, wanna go get ice-creams?  
  
Farfarello: Sure, I want double chocolate-chip ice-cream!!  
  
Aya: Yohji, can I borrow your black sunglasses?  
  
Ken: C'mon guys. Let's get DRUNK.  
  
Omi: *Darth Vader mimic* Takatori, I am your son...  
  
Crawford: Damn! That's the tenth time I got tripped today!  
  
Schuldig: Ahchooo!!!!!! Oh my god, I lose my cool again!  
  
Farfarello: Let's self-reflect our past...  
  
Hoshi: Nothing much, except... review? If people like this I might continue. 


End file.
